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| **Fred** \\ {{characters:fred.png?300x|Fred}} ||
^ **Credit Group, ** \\ Portrayed By | **Co-Starring** \\ [[Andrew Polk]] |
^ First Appearance | [[S2E3 The Punishment Room|The Punishment Room]] |
^ Last Appearance | [[S5E1 Go Forward|Go Forward]] |
====== Fred ======
Diner denizen. Accountant for William Morris.
{{INLINETOC width18 2}} \\
===== Biography =====
S2E3 - Fred shouts insults at Susie while she eats with Midge at the Stage Deli.
S2E5 - Fred helps Susie to book Midge in at the Concord in the midnight slot.
S2E9 - At the Stage Deli, Fred tips Susie off about the WNPO telethon and points her towards Margie the booker. Susie tries to secure Midge a slot by sending Doug over to her table table to vouch for Midge, unaware that Margie hated Doug. She then learns that she should have sent Kenny instead. Unfortunately, Margie has already left, so Susie instead must try and convince her assistant Cindy. After going to the wrong table and having a brief argument with the woman sitting there, Susie gets Cindy to book Midge in by arranging a date between her and Kenny.
S2E9 - Fred proudly watches Midge performing on the television at the Stage Deli.
S3E1 - Fred, Kenny and Doug flip through old ledgers that Fred stole from his job in order to help Susie figure out how much to ask for in Midge’s contract.
S4E5 - Susie calls Fred for advice on how to interview prospective employees as she struggles to find a secretary.
S5E1 - At the Stage Deli, the patrons eat a Thanksgiving dinner consisting of things brought in by various people from the neighborhood. Susie breaks her tooth by biting into a hard dinner roll, which it turns out was brought in by Fred. Fred explains that they’re made hard intentionally, and that you’re supposed to soak them in water for ten minutes before eating them.
===== Quotes & Dialogue =====
> FRED: Hey, Susie. That thing you did? That was real shitty. \\ SUSIE: That's the joy of not giving a shit, Freddy. \\ FRED: You're just asking for reciprocation. \\ SUSIE: I'm asking you to sit down. \\ FRED: Don't tell me to sit down! \\ SUSIE: Fuck you and your reciprocation and your two-dollar suits- \\ FRED: -No, no, fuck you, if that's how you want it. You throw your weight around- \\ SUSIE: -And f*ck your mother at the same time-+ \\ FRED: -You're nothing. You're a nobody- \\ SUSIE: -Just crawl back up her p*ssy and shut the fuck up- \\ FRED: -Eat shit and die! \\ SUSIE: Nice guy, I'll introduce you later. \\ – S2E3
> SUSIE: You work at the fucking Morris agency. \\ FRED: In accounting. \\ SUSIE: Who cares? You stand at the urinals with those dicks and their dicks. You hear them talk. Now give me something. \\ FRED: I don't know why I'm helping you. \\ SUSIE: Because you hate that place. \\ FRED: I hate that fucking place. \\ SUSIE: And helping me is screwing them. \\ FRED: You know, I actually used to sing. Folk songs, show tunes, did a lot of industrials. I loved it. \\ SUSIE: Well, you must've been great. \\ FRED: I wasn't bad. \\ SUSIE: I was being sarcastic. \\ FRED: My cousin worked at the agency. I covered for him while he went on his honeymoon. His wife murdered him in Panama, so… \\ – S2E5
> FRED: I don't work for you! \\ – S2E9
> FRED: I was very instrumental in making this happen. \\ – S2E9
> FRED: Okay, but this is a big favor we're doing for you here. I had to sneak these contracts out in my bowling bag. Now I don't have my bowling ball. \\ – S3E1
> FRED: George Burns made $10 a week in 1921. \\ SUSIE: What would that be today? \\ FRED: $10. \\ SUSIE: No, I mean in today's dollars. \\ FRED: $10. \\ SUSIE: Oh, Fred, my sweet, sweet Fred. \\ – S3E1
> SUSIE: Every one of these broads, they can type, they graduated from someplace, they sit nice. I got this book with questions to ask. It's no fucking help. All the girls give the same answer, because they all probably got a fucking book, too. You ever hire anybody? \\ FRED: Sure, lots of people. \\ SUSIE: Well, what kind of stuff do you ask, so you know who to pick? \\ FRED: That depends. You got to tailor the questions to the specific job. \\ SUSIE: Yeah. How, Fred? How? \\ FRED: Well, when I hired a guy to paint my apartment, I asked if he had a ten-foot ladder. \\ SUSIE: Okay. \\ FRED: But I didn't ask that when I hired my tax guy or the girl to get my brother laid after his divorce. You don't need a ladder for those jobs. \\ SUSIE: Fred, did you ever hire anybody at William Morris in a professional, show-business capacity? \\ FRED: Not per se. \\ SUSIE: I'm hanging up. \\ FRED: Wait. You should definitely see how the person chews. \\ SUSIE: What? \\ FRED: I'm serious. You're going to be in close quarters with this girl, with snacks and whatnot, munching and crunching, day in, day out. If they chew loud, you're doomed. \\ – S4E5
> SUSIE: Ow! Shit. I think I just fucked up my tooth. Which one of you losers brought these rolls? \\ FRED: I did. Made 'em myself. You like? \\ SUSIE: No. They're hard as rocks. \\ FRED: Oh, that's on purpose. It's an old family recipe. We call 'em Hard Rock Rolls. \\ SUSIE: Well, that is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. \\ FRED: You know, you're supposed to soak 'em in hot water for ten minutes before biting into 'em. Did you not know that? \\ SUSIE: No, I did not know that. \\ – S5E1
> SUSIE: You're dismissed, Fred. \\ FRED: Okay. Enjoy your evening. Hey, Verla, can we get some more hot water for these rolls? \\ VERLA: No! \\ – S5E1
===== Appearances =====
==== Season 2 ====
- [[S2E3 The Punishment Room|The Punishment Room]]
- [[S2E5 Midnight at the Concord|Midnight at the Concord]]
- [[S2E9 Vote for Kennedy Vote for Kennedy|Vote for Kennedy, Vote for Kennedy]]
==== Season 3 ====
- [[S3E1 Strike Up the Band|Strike Up the Band]]
==== Season 4 ====
- [[S4E5 How to Chew Quietly and Influence People|How to Chew Quietly and Influence People]]
==== Season 5 ====
- [[S5E1 Go Forward|Go Forward]]
===== See Also =====
* [[List of Characters]]
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